Salam a'alaikum warahmatullah. Alhamdulillah, still blessed and recognized by Him and hopefully a little mujahid insya'Allah, absolutely for sure. I'm keen to write today as i got nothing to do for this morning. Nothing to do?? Haha, actually i do have one, but i dont think i want to imitate somehow.
Now I'm going to share with all of you, what I have done for today. What be my hope is, my doings would not be underestimated and false-perception by others including my best pals, my family partners, dear lecturers and so on.
The first that comes across my mind is, do you ever feel to deceive others feeling? well, there is a story about this. Since juniors enrolled in my college, i acknowledged this person. A girl for sure. She is a type of mine. My likes and prefers. We began to know each other completely (not too close as we just texting whenever there is a needs) via social website, tremendously and famously known as FACEBOOK. Well, if you guys dont know what is facebook, get yourself in advance, okay? ^^
The story-mory begins after the college was about to schedule a holidays. A Hari Raya holidays actually, for a week. In that week, I added her in facebook, and getting to know her. But not really put up that much. Just know her name, and a few picture to depict how she looks like. Hmm, she is really pious girl, quite silent girl and not really active in participating. Of course a shy girl, nice, good manners and ethics. Guys, do you want to know the worst part?? Okay, the worst is since we got to know each other, I sensed that, she liked me. (What??! whoa~ that's terrible..! But I'm the lucky guy here.Well.haha) Well, when I purposely asked her this query, she quite shocked but was well covered. Haha, nice camouflage. Loved that damn much. Means, she is not an ordinary girl like I used to know.
Suddenly I came up with an idea. At that time, i really dont want to take part in loving, or being loved in someone as I was jilted by someone a long time ago since Nemesis empire?? haha. Just kidding. Then I asked her to do istikharah first. It lasted about 3 days exactly. I also did it. Hehe =D The third days in the morning before dusk nearly Subuh, she texted me, "brother, i did it. I feel really calm and distressful when I think about this matter." Then I replied her text, "Alhamdulillah, i feel the same thing. Whatever happens, just leave it to God. He will determine the best for us. If we are destined altogether one day, surely it will happen. No worries." Then I started to decide the to make up the relationship with a PROMISE. (err, it seemed, like i was in rush. The best part is, i didnt know what i rushed for. =_=')
After that moments, we are like 'zauj and zaujah'. Surely, you guys know what it feels like. Ough, i feel suffocated. But a little time, as days past, I began to like her. I liked her style. Her hijab. The most important things is she has Deen with her. I tried my best to adapt with her. As we both wanted this relationship in Bless. Insya'Allah. But things seem gonna change. Right?? (Otoke=Otokajo..!!)
I began more 'wild' in this relationship. I tried to accommodate her feelings, clashed her (actually, this was fake. It is more to an act) tried to change her perceptions that i was a bad guy before. I'm a smoker, illegal racer, gamer-addict and even a playboy. (huh~~) But she convinced me, "You still can change it. I really know you heart. Even if you're the worst man, I ever know, I still believe in you." in a text message. ~hm, heart throbbing, right? Even me, when i read that, ~whoa, she's totally different. Alhamdulillah, maybe this is the person? haha. I need to think a lot more.
And yesterday evening, I asked her, I wanted to back off from the relationship. She quite shocked. 'Where's the promise you promised me for?? " "Well, I got nothing to do with this. Buzz off from me. There's a lot of better guys that is more suitable and better, pious more than me out there." She kept asking, "Please, dont be like this. You're my future zauj. Please dont back off." pleaded her. And I dont want to confront with her, I ended it heartlessly. An hour later, (we were on texting that time) she didnt reply to me and I was curious. I started to feel pity on her and began to embrace it by saying "sorry, i didnt mean it".
Guys, I dont know what should i do now...=(
1 Insan yg prihatin:
Hi there,
First of all, KUDOS to you for the effort you took on writing this entry in English. I could see how difficult you must have been trying to articulate your actions and feelings.
Secondly, I would like to give my 2-cent's worth of words..that if you are willing to consider advise from someone who is fairly older than you.
One can only be received as good when he/she has also done good to others. In your case, the actions taken sometimes can be foolish but you have to also put yourself in the girl's shoes.
Imagine the other way around. What if she is the one playing all the tricks to you, when you really care and love her? I am sure it would disappoint and anger you, right?
In a relationship, there will always be the good and the bad times. However, those times should be allowed to arrive naturally, rather than be created by yourself.
If both man & woman has agreed to proceed with a relationship, all efforts should be driving both of you to good results - not the other way around.
Hence, ask yourself if you really care & want the relationship to proceed AND if the answer is YES - regardless of the negative perception of you-yourself, there should not be any further doubt.
I am not good in giving advice, but I know very well that if you want to be treated good...you must do good first. Allah will always take care of you when you take care of others.
Ciao.
Makiko-S
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